GOD FORGIVE ME…the epitaph on the on gravestone of the last of the Crawshay ‘Iron Masters’ from Merthyr Tydfil.

As a statements of ‘self assessment’ goes, it’s out there.

I’ve been trying to remember if I’ve ever been on a; ‘increasing self awareness’ / ‘developing empathy ‘ / ‘the self-reflective manager’ / ‘how to give effective 360 degree feedback’ training course that’s ventured into this space?

Something that had me doing an exercise along the lines of, “what would be the epitaph you would write on your gravestone?”

It’s pretty strong stuff. I can’t immediately remember doing something like that so I probably didn’t, and for good reasons. Nobody quite has the fortitude to do it. Imagine the complaints to the HR Department and the lack of future training contracts.

Anyway, enough of the morbid curiosity I’m here to talk about the Crawshays and the finest town in Wales, Merthyr Tydfil.

Everyone should know about Merthyr. There’s more human history condensed into Merthyr Tydfil than seems reasonable for any town. Merthyr was literally a ‘cauldron’ of the industrial revolution. I hugely recommend having a look an The Melting Pot – The heritage and culture of Merthyr Tydfil for some detail. Be warned though, you could be there a while, its fascinating.

The other thing I’m here for is the Crawshays and Robert T’s tombstone. Some facts and figures.

RT’s tombstone measures in at 11ft 2in long (3.5m), 7ft 2in wide (2.1m) and 1ft 2in thick (36cm). Made from Radyr Conglomerate (not granite), it was chosen by Crawshay himself from Radyr Quarry near Cardiff. All of this was detailed August 1897 in the Merthyr Telegraph, shared by The Melting Pot.

I’ve seen different estimates of it’s weight, ranging from 8 – 11 tons. It required a team of 13 horses to the pull the monolith to it’s final resting place at St Gwynno’s Churchyard, Vaynor. A tombstone of that size says a lot about a person.

Why ‘GOD FORGIVE ME’? There’s a bit of speculation about why RT Crawshay chose this epitaph. Have a look at this article from Welsh Country Magazine. It describes life for ordinary people in Merthyr in the mid 1800’s, and the life of Crawshay.

One suggestion for the epitaph is linked to the fact he disinherited his daughter and grandsons from the vast family fortune after she married against his will.

Another potential reason; remorse for the pain, suffering and exploitation of the people of Merthyr? In 1875, through his mismanagement, Crawshay oversaw the final closure of Cyfarthfa Iron Works. Making 1000’s of iron workers (and their families) destitute. That’s a pretty solid reason for seeking redemption – if you possess the humility…

Self assessment in corporate life. I’ve just been walking the dog and dredging up a few memories of ‘self reflection’. One that sticks with me is a senior person saying “at least I wasn’t as crap as most of them”.

A curious statement that’s a combination of ‘being proud to be average’ with almost relief that they they weren’t a ‘high achieving CEO psychopath’. On another occasion someone reflected “I tried to do no harm”.

That’s all pretty depressing stuff, but to be honest, I’m far more comfortable with that sort of ‘self doubt’ than vainglorious statements of wonderful achievements. Nobody is perfect.

How do I raise the mood here? I absolutely think that self refection is a good thing, used properly.

I was going to include a link to some serious evidence based research that says so, but there’s mountains of it out there; it doesn’t take much to find something that appeals.

What I am going to do is suggest something for a self awareness training course. How about starting with a multiple choice question:

“What would you chose have as your epitaph?”

Pick any from the list that apply…

• Performed wonders and spat out miracles.
• Was feared and admired in equal measure.
• Was loved and cherished by everyone.
• God forgive me.
• Did no harm.
• Tired my best with what I had.

I’m happy to take suggestion on things to add to this list. There’s probably a book of examples already out there.

So, what’s the PONT?

1. Self reflection is generally accepted as a good thing, but don’t let it get out of hand. Try to aim for the ‘goldilocks’ zone’. Not too much (immobilized by self-doubt), not too little (egotistical self praise). but just right…
2. Thinking about your epitaph might be a bit morbid, but it does put things in perspective. Having an interest in what others have written on their tombstones shouldn’t just be a pastime for Goths.
3. Everyone needs to know more about Merthyr.

The pictures are mine. Taken on a visit to St Gwynno’s, Vaynor in 2022. There used to be a pub next to the churchyard. The railings around Crawshays grave were apparently there to prevent people ‘paying their respects’ to him after closing time.