I’ve done a fair bit of physical work with other people recently, mostly cutting back some very overgrown hedges. One thing I’ve observed (and very much felt) is that it seems to bring us much closer together, in an emotional sense. I’m not quite saying I’ve totally been ‘moved by love’, but there might be a bit of Kama Muta going on.

‘Moved by love’. Kama Muta is a phrase from Sanskrit, the classical language of Hinduism and Buddhism. It means ‘moved by love’ and is used to describe a variety of ‘heart warming’ emotions that can come from experiencing a connection with others. The concept seems to cross cultures with words and phrases describing it in several languages. You can find examples on the Kama Muta Lab pages.

Part of Kama Muta is the idea that it happens when you observe or experience something that causes a sense of being equal with another person. There are also other components like a sense of openness and connection.

One of the theories behind the current exploration of Kama Muta is that it had an evolutionary function. Something that helped with the process of devotion, commitment and connection that is part of forming social groups (the tribe).

The bit I’m interested in is physical work with others, as equals.

Is there love in hedge cutting? Did I mention I’ve been hedge cutting? This hasn’t been a solitary activity. Neither has it been anything as creative as hedge laying, it’s not that type of hedge, and none of us is that skilled.

I’ve been doing it with my neighbour (and my wife, who I’ll get back to in a moment).

A while back I spent some time building a fence with a neighbour, (physical labour) and wrote about ‘how shared action builds relationships’. Well, the same sort of thing happened this time with the hedge cutting.

Through a process of doing a physical job, side by side, I’ve come away with a closer relationship to my co-worker. Closer to a person I’d shared a boundary with for over 10 years, yet hardly spoke.

So what’s going on? Broadly there seem to be three things happening.

• Positive Emotions. Working together and achieving a common goal definitely triggers emotions of satisfaction, joy and even a bit of pride. When I think back to my rugby playing days, shared victories (and defeats) is one of the things that still emotionally connects me to former Team mates.
• Mutual Understanding. Working together gives you the chance to appreciate the skill and hard work of the other person. A process of recognition that develops empathy between you and deepens your relationship. As you understand the task, you better understand each other.
• Shared Experiences. It’s not just about the work. The depth and breadth of ‘side conversations’ when you are working alongside someone can be amazing; particularly if it’s physical repetitive work. Once you’ve caught your breath there’s always space to share a yarn. It’s all part of that getting to know each other.

Is hedge cutting the path to a better marriage? I did mention my wife has been a constant companion during hedge cutting. Truth be told she’s been the motivational driver, organiser and purchaser of shiny new tools. It wouldn’t have happened without her (like many things in my life).

But the thing that really gets me ‘moved by love’ is the fact she totally gets stuck into the physical labour. Side by side, alongside each other in an act of equivalence and openness. The very definition of Kama Muta.

I’ve been thinking about this in relation to a number of ‘homesteaders’ I watch on You Tube. Almost all of these people are couples, working side by side to build a better life. I’m truly inspired by what they do, and the fact they do it together, with such good grace. That might be for the camera, but it is a good lesson in how to behave nicely.

Maybe working together, on physical stuff is a route to a good relationship and Kama Muta?

So, What’s the PONT?

1. Physical labour with another person can do a lot to help build a relationship.
2. When it gets to the point of mutual respect, equivalence and trust it may go as far as Kama Muta.
3. I’m not sure how you replicate this with online communities, but I’m interested to learn.

Pictures, mine. Just for the record, I’m embarrassed that this hedge got into this condition. Fortunately Portuguese Laurel does seem to bounce back from a ‘vigorous pruning’.